I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
