update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
