dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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