He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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