Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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