This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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