Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
