So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
