I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
