There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
