you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
