we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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