What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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