and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize