I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
