So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
