Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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