I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
