At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
