There is no way he is gay with that hair.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
