Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
