I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize