i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
