please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
