drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
