I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
