Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
