i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
