there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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