South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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