No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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