so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
