Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
