When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
