This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
