Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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