Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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