i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
