He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
