so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
