It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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