k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize