If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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