they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
