Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
