I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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