Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
