His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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