You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
