I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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