Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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