R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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