I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am midnight drunk by noon
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
