he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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