Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize