So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize