a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
