If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
