I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
