So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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