shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
