He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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