We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
