as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
