I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
