I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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