Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
