If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
