I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
